Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Types of bloggers

How many can you spot? (inspired by the always funny, always smart and always cute Leigh)

1 - The Godfather. He invented blogging, and then wrote the first book on the subject. One link from him will give your blog as much traffic as it gets in a month. Likewise, if you piss him off, he will flame you, which is the same as credibility-suicide. As a result, no one has the stones to tell him that he hasn't made a lick of sense since at least 2003.

2 - The Conference Groupie. Attends each and every blogging conference, clapping furiously at every A-Lister's speech and giving meticulous accounts of how he met every A-Lister that attended, although none of them will admit to meeting this blogging everyman on their own blogs.

3 - I call bullshit. The blogger that loves to hit every A-Listers' blog, trying to knock them out of their ivory towers, and back down to earth. Calls them all windbag assholes, but secretly envies their superior links and traffic.

4 - Diamond in the rough. The blogger that no one has heard of, that makes more sense than all the other A-Listers combined. Since she has authored no books, and doesn't work for a major company, she isn't taken seriously. Of course, when she finally reaches a few hundred links (or starts doing the blogging conference circuit), other A-Listers can then acknowledge her existance, and she becomes an A-Lister overnight.

5 - The namer. This blogger knows that no true A-Lister has ever achieved this elite status without publishing a book. Since he realizes that he has nothing book-worthy to say, he re-names existing concepts thinking that a new name to an old idea, will equal a new idea.

6 - The pseudo-sage. States the incredibly obvious, while other bloggers act like he just invented String Theory. Such as:'We overlook the simple things. The key to selling more soap is marketing to people that take baths'.

7 - The Tipping Point - Blogger who suddenly realizes that he's now getting love from A-Listers and his every post, no matter how banal or meaningless, is getting link-love. TP is perplexed by this sudden rush of blog-love, until he realizes that he just got his 500th link.

8 - The hack. Has built her empire by posting 20 times a day, not by saying anything memorable. She's an A-Lister, but wants to be taken seriously for her knowledge, not traffic and links. As a result, she is constantly trying to get meaningless memes started, with the disclaimer that 'I think we need to start a conversation about this'. No one ever takes the bait.

9 - The would-be consultant. Constantly blogs about how every major company is 'getting it wrong'. No matter what they say or do, this blogger is convinced that they could do it better. Scratch that....they could do it better IF THEY HIRED HIM.

10 - The lister. Constantly makes lists in a cheap attempt to start a meme. Hates it when others call him 'MaRk'.


Chris Houchens said...

Hey Mark...ah Mack...

Great stuff.

I saw parts of myself in several of these. (Mostly the good ones)

Just as long as you don't go Kawasaki with lists, you'll be fine.


Anonymous said...

Mack -- Great post!


p.s. How about the blogger who leaves vacuous comments simply to drop her own blog URL?

Anonymous said...

LOL. Though I view Doc as more of a eccentric uncle than Godfather. ;)

OK, so what about the blogger that started blogging on a whim and now can't stop blogging because it's just too damn fun. No one gave this average joe-goes to work every day and has deadlines blogger a second thought about his ideas and now that his blog shows up on a couple of "lists"—people want to read his thoughts.

Great post. The bloggers will love it. ;)

Chris Thilk said...

That's so funny I might just tack it up to my wall.

Tim Jackson said...

Oh man... too funny.

At this point, I don't think I fit any of those because I'm just a goober with a blog, but I sure recognize a few of those people.

I don't know what you'd call the blogger (me) who blogs to get his brand recognized, build a community of passionate users and simply has a great time in these conversations because he feels like such an amateur in the shadow of the "real bloggers". Is there a title for that?

Mack Collier said...

Diamond in the Rough for you Tim.....all the way.

J.D. said...

I'm going to flame you as soon as I figure out which one is me :) lol

Tim Jackson said...

Mack- You're too kind.

Anonymous said...

You can't go this far and not name names :(

Anonymous said...

Blogging seems to be a dirty, dirty business. At least you have given us all something to aspire to ... or at least some proven practices for negotiating the blogging world.

Anonymous said...

Ha. A good synopsis!

Unknown said...

And then there are those of us who are still clueless and weren't smart enough to have a blogging agenda in the first place! ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh wow.

I didn't need this today. I was starting to feel all proud of myself, and now I've realized I'm nothing more than a "Would-be Consultant" who only wishes he were a "Diamond in the Rough," but might have to settle for being a "Namer." Help!

rimafauzi said...

Hi, I hope you don't mind me linking you and quoting your list in my blog. It is a hilarious list and very true!